This is a totally different sort of post for my blog but its something I wanted to start doing. This isn’t about recipes or any evidence-based health or nutrition advice. Instead, it’s me putting my own thoughts and feelings into words in the hope that someone else out there can relate and will feel less alone in the situation they are in. Or it will possibly shine a more positive light on a not so nice situation.
I have said this before and will probably say it again – health is so much more than just the food we eat. You can eat a ‘perfect diet’ and exercise every day but if you aren’t mentally healthy and have problems in your life that affect socialising and relationships then you just aren’t going to feel your best. The beginning of last year was hard for me. After spending Christmas and New years alone I hit a very low point where I didn’t see the point in living anymore. If all life had to offer was pain and suffering then why was there a point to continue? I hadn’t been able to go home in the summer due to family problems and I lived with my aunt but going back felt too strange. It wasn’t really home anymore and uni wasn’t really home either. I felt like I no longer fitted in anywhere. My long-term relationship had ended. I didn’t have any close friends around me. My sleeping pattern was turned upside down. And physically I did not feel healthy. It felt like my entire life was crumbling around me.
I had lots of plans of things I wanted to do and goals for the new year but I was mentally suffering. I spent the majority of the year on my own feeling very trapped and isolated. I didn’t know how to get myself out of this situation. Humans are social creatures and isolation isn’t good for us. I ended up having to temporarily without from uni and went to live my dad but still, I wasn’t getting better. It has only really been in the last few months of the year where my mindset has really changed. For a long time, I turned down plans to go out with people and any social occasions because I thought I wasn’t well enough and it would end up making me feel worse but really that’s the exact opposite of what I need to be doing. I had been prioritising eating healthy but totally neglecting the social aspect of my life and mental health.
You can drink all the green smoothies and eat of the kale you want but if you have something going on in your heart or mind when you aren’t truly going to healthy. The happiest and healthiest people I know seem to be those that prioritise this, have a passion and live in the moment. They don’t dwell on the past. They don’t worry about that past. They focus on what is happening right now and at the end of the day that is all there really is. I really admire people like this, its what I aspire to be more like and the sort of people I want in my life.
There are a few things that just make all of my anxiety just melt away. The main two are music and spending time outside. When I was very depressed this is something I denied myself of. As silly as it sounds going out and dancing all night, as well as my solo kitchen dance parties, are some of my happiest moments for me it’s not really about drinking at all. Its all about the ‘vibe’ (yeah I hate myself for saying that) and good company. Then the outside part is almost the total opposite. There is a walk near where I live and no matter how bad I’m feeling that day it makes everything better. It just suddenly goes from a town to rolling green hills and as I walk up the slope It feels like a weight is lifted off my chest and my mind is clear. But really any hills, mountain, lake or beach walks or hikes are what truly what makes my heart happy.
So this year the goals or new years resolutions are setting are very different. They are not work, uni or health-related but instead the focus is on doing things that make me happy. I was reading somewhere that 92 percent of people fail to meet these goals and 80 percent give up by January which is crazy! People never lose the weight, eat healthier, exercise or start a new hobby they set out to do. And people do the same thing every single year!
It’s ok to have goals but New Years isn’t the only time to start them. Every single day is a fresh start so if there is something you really want to do start now and set small realistic goals rather then trying to make a huge change once a year. And it’s great if you want to work hard but remember the space between your goals and where you want to be needs to be enjoyed. That’s what I’m focusing on this year.
In 2019 I just want to be happy. More laughing. More adventures. More going out. More dancing. More moving. More spending time outside. More travelling. More trying new things and saying yes. More conversations and friends. More photos. More things that make me forget to check my phone. I want to do things that make me feel alive. The beginning of last year is a complete blur in my mind. I don’t remember much of it and perhaps that is a good thing now but that isn’t what I want my memories to be like. I also need to start taking more photos. I don’t have many from this year because I don’t love the way I look and I was alone a lot but this is something I’m changing. I actually love photography but I don’t have many pictures of myself or people I know.
Up to this point I have spent too long just surviving, just getting by and I want to feel like I’m living again. Living life dictated by anxious and negative thoughts isn’t really living. I don’t want to feel like I have wasted my 20s feeling sad and lonely. Life is far too short for that. Now is the time to do things that make me feel happy again.